The observant mind...

Here I'm going to practise being oberservant, not evaluative...

I'm lying on my stomach, diagonally across my bed. It's a double bed, and the covers have slipped off the corner. I have three pillows around me, one with a sea theme, a green one and one that I can't see. The walls are white, and in the corner where they meet there is a quarter cylinder. One wall is painted brick. The other is smooth, but has some dents and smudges. The fan heater is behind me, switched off. The blanket is squashed up at the bottom of the bed. I'm wearing socks, pyjama pants and a jumper. The jumper is black and has a hood. The pyjama pants are blue with pictures of red hummers.

ok, I think that's enough for now. I have to say there's something relaxing about observing without judgement. I tried some "autogenic" relaxation earlier as well. I haven't used relaxation techniques in a while. They used to help; I especially liked taking a hot bath and gazing at a candle. It's hard to remember to try these things when under emotional distress. I might make a list of things I can try:

guided relaxation
hot or cold shower
gazing at a candle
write - describe my surroundings
practise doing something mindfully e.g. brushing teeth
pay attention to my breathing
write - describe a more complex situation without evaluating it

I might try the last one now...

Today I had breakfast at APK. We sat down, read the menus, ordered and an hour later we got our food. The breakfast pizza had tomato sauce, cubes of bacon and cheese. In the centre were mushrooms and on top were two fried eggs. The yolk was bright yellow. I ate about 2/3 of the meal. My coffee was in a mug, and had chocolate powder on top. There was a small, light brown hair on top of the pizza. There were about 5 full tables when we got there, and about 10 when we left. There was one waitress. She had pimples on her cheeks, covered with makeup. She walked past us about once every 30 seconds. There was a salt shaker on our table, with a few grains of rice in it. There was no sugar or pepper. There was a breakfast menu on our table with a drinks menu on the back. I took a menu from another table which had more drinks on it. Milkshakes were $5.50 and thickshakes were $6.50. I ordered a thickshake. I got a tall metal milkshake cup with a frothy brown liquid in it. It was a mixture of milk, ice cream and chocolate syrup. I asked the waitress to put more ice cream in it for me. I got another tall metal milkshake cup with frothy brown liquid in it. It was a combination of milk, ice cream and chocolate syrup. The total cost of two breakfasts, two thickshakes and a coffee was $48.

ok, enough of that. I think I managed to write observantly, which made it hard to express my disgust at the service. It's good in that it doesn't evoke any emotional response, which makes me feel quite calm. I was horrendously depressed after breakfast because I'd had to part with almost $50 for a pretty crap experience. I even decided to never go to a cafe again.

So, it's been quite a progression of emotions today. Started out happy, relaxed. Shifted to very depressed after breakfast. Then very anxious after seeing a friend. Then depressed and anxious. Then back to just plain depressed. Now, I'm more relaxed and content. This may be why I've always had trouble trying to use a mood tracker. How can I possibly rate my mood on a number scale when there are so many more dimensions to my mood?