again

Feeling agitated again. I'm having trouble finding words, articulating. I have the urge to speak but I don't know what to say. I had coffee with friends but felt on edge the whole time. My mind kept going blank. I wanted to talk or do something, anything. I'm calming down now.

Sometimes I find it hard to stop myself from speaking, like it flows out without my control. I speak before I know what I'm going to say. I feel embarassed after, for saying too much.

I may be slightly depressed. I feel pretty hopeless about things, about uni, getting a job, and getting treatment, also just life in general. I want my depression to be lethargic like it normally is. I want to just be able to hide. But no, I have the need to keep doing things.

I feel down a lot. But up at the same time. I just feel low, but keyed up. It's like my brain is on fire.

I think I can sleep now.