Traumatised by graphic or disturbing parts in movies, then can't get the images out of my head, since childhood. The images linger for years and cause so much distress.
Paranoia.
Can't handle being alone at night - extreme fear of house being broken into or extreme loneliness.
Obsessing over possible medical conditions.
Memories over social failures stick with me.
I can feel completely stuck in my thoughts, can't get thoughts out of my head.
The images of catastrophes that could happen get stuck in my head.
Pervading sense of doom.
Panic, doom, visions of the world ending, obsessions.
Showing posts with label intrusive thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intrusive thoughts. Show all posts
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My current state
I'm back to feeling as agitated as I was before abilify. I feel kind of elated, though. I wish I could work on my assignment, but I can't focus. My mind is too crowded. I feel like doing things, not sitting here in the library. I have what they call psychomotor agitation, I think. Leg jiggling. Writing calms me down. I feel disjointed. I don't quite feel safe with so many people around me.
I experienced such a rush of euphoria while I was exercising this morning. I embraced it. I woke up at 3am but I feel energised. Part of it must be a lack of sleep, and because I went to the gym this morning. I think sleep deprivation and exercise can make me more energised or agitated.
I guess I also feel anxious in this agitated state. Maybe it's still the after-effects of abilify, but it's different somehow. I feel clear. My mind is clear yet it is crowded. It doesn't really make much sense. I feel like I'm slipping into insanity.
For hypomania, "the change in functioning for some individuals may take the form of a marked increase in efficiency, accomplishments, or creativity. However, for others, hypomania can cause some social or occupational impairment."
Occupational impairment... does that include not being able to study?
I'm a lot more efficient at some things in this state, like exercising and writing. I can't write anything to do with my assignment, though. I don't feel that worried about uni at the moment. I feel that all will be well, unless of course I can't calm down.
Sometimes I feel this rush that reminds me of the effects of ecstasy.
Anyway, I feel like I can't calm down or slow down at the moment. I feel sort of like I've taken stimulants.
I have intrusive and vivid thoughts. I've always had those. I sometimes feel paranoid in public. My extreme fears/phobias seem to come from intrusive, vivid thoughts. They're not so much phobias, because they are fears about situations I don't actually find myself in. Situations that will probably never happen to me. They are more like obsessions. I can imagine such horrible things happening. The first thing was just death in general, when I was very young. I felt I could imagine what death would be like. I guess this what at an age when I didn't really understand death. I thought of it as unconsciousness, and then I associated sleep with death and sleep seemed scary sometimes. I also pictured the end of the world. That was an obsession for me, for a long time I think. It started when I was around ten. It may have been related to the religious ideas I'd been exposed to. I thought about it all the time, and it scared the crap out of me. Then, in 2008 I became obsessed with my fears of flying and surgery. I knew I didn't have any plane trips or surgery coming up (I've never even had surgery), but I thought about it a lot. I pictured these bad things happening.
I experienced such a rush of euphoria while I was exercising this morning. I embraced it. I woke up at 3am but I feel energised. Part of it must be a lack of sleep, and because I went to the gym this morning. I think sleep deprivation and exercise can make me more energised or agitated.
I guess I also feel anxious in this agitated state. Maybe it's still the after-effects of abilify, but it's different somehow. I feel clear. My mind is clear yet it is crowded. It doesn't really make much sense. I feel like I'm slipping into insanity.
For hypomania, "the change in functioning for some individuals may take the form of a marked increase in efficiency, accomplishments, or creativity. However, for others, hypomania can cause some social or occupational impairment."
Occupational impairment... does that include not being able to study?
I'm a lot more efficient at some things in this state, like exercising and writing. I can't write anything to do with my assignment, though. I don't feel that worried about uni at the moment. I feel that all will be well, unless of course I can't calm down.
Sometimes I feel this rush that reminds me of the effects of ecstasy.
Anyway, I feel like I can't calm down or slow down at the moment. I feel sort of like I've taken stimulants.
I have intrusive and vivid thoughts. I've always had those. I sometimes feel paranoid in public. My extreme fears/phobias seem to come from intrusive, vivid thoughts. They're not so much phobias, because they are fears about situations I don't actually find myself in. Situations that will probably never happen to me. They are more like obsessions. I can imagine such horrible things happening. The first thing was just death in general, when I was very young. I felt I could imagine what death would be like. I guess this what at an age when I didn't really understand death. I thought of it as unconsciousness, and then I associated sleep with death and sleep seemed scary sometimes. I also pictured the end of the world. That was an obsession for me, for a long time I think. It started when I was around ten. It may have been related to the religious ideas I'd been exposed to. I thought about it all the time, and it scared the crap out of me. Then, in 2008 I became obsessed with my fears of flying and surgery. I knew I didn't have any plane trips or surgery coming up (I've never even had surgery), but I thought about it a lot. I pictured these bad things happening.
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